Communication in a relationship is very important, including intimacy. Unfortunately, it is very difficult for most people to talk openly about sex and love, although they are well aware that considerable misunderstandings can arise because of it. We will try to answer the question of why this happens.
One of the biggest obstacles to open communication between partners is the belief that to have great sex, it is absolutely enough if there is a spark between two people and the chemistry works between them. The perfect lovemaking experience will thus occur quite naturally. This is exactly how we see sex in romantic movies, where the most beautiful climaxes only happen thanks to mutual attraction. All the more disappointing when it doesn’t happen in real relationships.
Another obstacle is the fact that as soon as we start talking about sex, we make it clear that something is wrong.
All this is due to the fact that you will not learn it from your parents or from any sex education textbook. Education mainly concerns the prevention of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy. You won’t learn much about the very nature of sex, and therefore desire and pleasure, let alone how to recognize and share what makes you feel good.
Fear of hurting another’s feelings
„People tend to assume that when we start talking about something we want, dream about, what we would like to try, our partner will automatically take it as a shortcoming and a mistake,“ explains sexologist Logan Levkoff.
This concern has a real basis. People’s self-worth often depends on how amazing they are in terms of physical intimacy. So some people really only need to be told to be a little faster or gentler, and they immediately take it as criticism.
They don’t know what they want
It is difficult for many individuals to talk about their own pleasure also for the reason that they themselves do not really know what really makes them feel good. It is often due to shyness to try new things and experiment. Lack of experience can also play a role here, even with autoerotics, especially due to the still persistent belief that it is something wrong.
They find it too risky
After a while, in almost every relationship, partners fall into a routine. „There is nothing wrong with that, but if a person discovers that their needs are not fully met, they are afraid to change something in order not to disrupt an otherwise stable relationship,“ points out Levkoffová.
Every change means a big risk for him. However, if he doesn’t deal with things immediately and just starts putting things off, it could very well turn into a real problem with huge frustration. The solution is, of course, much more complicated.
